Stickman's Guide to Bangkok
Interview by Edgar Barrington

Stickman lives and works in Thailand and runs a website of his personal observations and idiosyncratic views. He has strong opinions and an obvious love for the country, but gives a fairly impartial and non-judgemental view of the native and ex-pat lifestyle and culture. Inevitably a good portion of the site focuses on what he terms the "Naughty Nightlife," Thailand's infamous sex industry. Interestingly, he has retired from participation, but hosts hundreds of stories of the men who come to Thailand in search of excitement or even love, making the site both a great insight into life in Thailand, as well as human nature in general. The Modernist asked a few questions to get the big picture of Stickman's current view of Thai society, and what's happening with himself, the locals, and other ex-patriots.

How long have you been living in Thailand?

I have been living in Thailand for six years and I’ve spent all of this time living and working in Bangkok. I’d like to work elsewhere in the country but truth be told, it is a lot more difficult to get decent paying work outside of the capital and while I enjoy roaming around the countryside, I really do not know if I’d survive there on a permanent basis. Bangkok is very Westerner friendly and a very easy place to live. Perhaps most importantly, it would be hard to continue the website from anywhere other than Bangkok.

What did you do for work when you first arrived and what are you doing now?

When I first arrived I sought work as an English teacher. While teaching was not my chosen career in my native New Zealand, I completed a teacher’s training course and arrived in Thailand with my shiny new teaching certificate. I taught for a couple of years and then got fed up with the industry and took a year off. I spent that time developing the website and also studied Thai full time for several months, good Thai by day, bad Thai by night, if you get my drift! I got bored with what amounted to a free schedule for over a year and decided to get back into the teaching again. I am still doing that now. These days I teach Information Technology instead of just English, which is a bit more interesting. The website is also a big part of my life and while my wife refers to it as a “sideline”, I think I put more effort into it than I do into my day job.

There seems to be a bit of a stigma to English teaching as the typical employment for foreigners in Thailand. How did you make the change and how difficult was it for you?

The stigma associated with English teachers goes back to the old days when any old scruffy backpacker replete in their hippie rags would be offered a job within the first 30 seconds of a job interview by language school managers desperate to get a white face in front of a class and who, quite frankly, didn’t know where to find foreigners to teach apart from advertising in Khao Sarn Road, the backpacker haven of Bangkok.

English teachers are at the bottom of the food chain in the farang community of Thailand. Teachers are the lowest paid of all Westerners in Thailand (even missionaries can get a lot more money than teachers) and many teachers are not “teachers” at all, with no genuine teaching qualifications and perhaps no tertiary qualifications either. That is not to say that either are necessary to make one a good English teacher but they sure do help!

In terms of making the transition myself, I was never too worried about the image that other Westerners (and even some Thais) have of native speaking English teachers in Thailand. I’m quite happy with who I am and do not worry about acceptance from others.

How have you seen Thailand change in the time you've been there?

Thailand has changed a lot since I have been here, many positives, but equally as many negatives.

The infrastructure in Thailand, in Bangkok at least, has improved markedly. The skytrain really has opened the city up (as the soon to be opened subway will even further) while the notorious traffic jams continue. The city has become more modern and Westernized with many huge great shopping centers opening and with them have come the inevitable flow of Western fast food outlets and other chains. There are few shopping malls where you can’t find a McDonalds for example and most seem to have a Starbucks too. Not only are most Western goods available here, but the prices have come down to reasonable levels (many items used to be more expensive than they are now) and it is amazing how fast things are mad available here with most books available here within days of the western release date. The level of English spoken here has improved and Thais do seem to be a little bit more worldly, just a little bit, mind you, not a lot! When I first arrived here the city really was filthy and while you would not call it clean today, it is a lot cleaner than it was.

But there are equally as many negatives. The famous Thai smile seems harder to come by these days, especially in Bangkok. Many Westerners have felt something of a backlash against us by the locals over the past couple of years. It has not been explicit, but more subtle and many of us attribute it to the nationalistic policies of the present government, a co-alition government dominated by the Thai Ruk Thai (means Thai love Thailand) party.

But I guess what annoys me most about Thailand is that that ongoing problems – of which there are many - just continue and they are never really addressed. I believe it is all tied to the Asian notion of face whereby if you point out that something is not right, wrong, or that someone has made an error, then that person loses face. The whole idea is to go about your life in such a way that no-one loses face which while it might sound nice, warm and fuzzy and all that PC crap, it also means that as mistakes aren’t pointed out, they are never fixed, and they just continue and continue.

I also get extremely annoyed with the way that, as a reader to my website wrote, “many Thais act like children but expect to be treated like adults”. I could not have said it better. I have heard it said by many a Western resident of Bangkok that they really are culturally inferior. Too often when there is conflict between a Westerner and a Thai the Thai will respond that “You are farang. You do not understand Thai culture.” Well, try me buddy, but no, the explanation never comes. While on the surface Thailand seems to be racing towards industrialized nation status, when you dig just a little deeper you find that what a Westerner may consider medieval attitudes and cronyism don’t just still exist, they rule.

Thailand is well known for its seedy side. Having given that up, what are the other things about the country and your daily life in it that keep you there?

Sometimes I wonder why I stay here! As a married guy, I have an anchor keeping me here to a certain extent. Truth be told I have a pleasant lifestyle here and while I am not getting rich or anything like that, I do have a good job, a great number of friends and the website has become a big part of my life. In many ways, that is what keeps me here. Also, having spent 6 years here already, it feels like home in many ways. I have a few concerns about what I would do if I was to return to my native New Zealand. While I am sure that will happen one day, I still feel like I have a lot I want to do and achieve in Thailand before moving back – or moving on somewhere else.

How is the sex industry in Thailand different from prostitution in the West?

Truth be told I know little about prostitution in the West so cannot comment on that, but I can tell you about it in Thailand.

Prostitution in Thailand, or at least the sector of the industry that directly targets Westerners (and totally excludes Thai men – they have their own scene) is not at all like our Western idea of prostitution. In Thailand it is more akin to renting a girlfriend for the evening. The prostitutes of Thailand are not the middle-aged, hardened, drug using hookers that would seem to be so common in the West. Prostitutes in Thailand can be very attractive and feminine.

The whole way a customer is treated is very much the way a girlfriend would treat you – and maybe even better than that. Even the way payment is made is very subtle and the girls appreciate being paid in a discrete way, such as money slipped into their handbag or subtly given to them with the words “taxi money home” said.

Of course like so many things in Thailand, the cost of services is low. In Pattaya, surely the biggest area of prostitutes for Western men in the entire world with an estimated 20,000 working girls, a Thai bargirl will stay with a customer all night for 1,000 baht, about $US25. That is all night!

There are so many stories on your site of tourists coming, falling in love with bargirls, and essentially ruining their lives. So many start with "I've read the stories on your site and I knew the score but..." As someone who's seen this time and time again, what's your take on it? Is anyone the victim? Why does it keep happening?

One really has to question the decision making of some people who seemingly just have to touch the flame, knowing full well that it is going to burn them. There are approaching 1,000 full length articles on the site written by readers and many of them are of this nature. If there is something I have learnt since I have been living in Thailand and running this site it is that people are generally bad, and no matter what you tell them about a situation, no matter how strong the warnings may be, they just have to try and find out for themselves.

A lot of the guys who get burnt are lonely, harmless guys who were at the front of the queue when the almighty was giving out gullibility tablets. Many of them enter into a relationship with a working girl with good intentions and not only do they lose their heart, in some cases they lose their life’s savings too.

Thai women do have a certain appeal, a certain femininity that seems to have almost been lost in the West and this can strike some men in a big way and make them do some really unusual things.

It seems your opinion on the sex trade has changed over time. Can you explain your current take on it, what your opinion used to be, and how and why it changed?

I guess I used to be in favour of the industry when I was a fresh faced lad, new to Thailand, somewhat naïve and someone who was willing to give most things a go. As a newbie to the city and a bit lonely insomuch that I had not yet built up a circle of friends, the bars were a very easy place to hang out. Everyone wanted to be your friend, the drinks were cheap and there were all of these pretty women who treated you so well. While it was never my reason for coming to Thailand, I sure felt like the proverbial kid in the candy store.

But as I learnt more and more about Thailand, I began to understand more and more about the industry, the people employed in it, the people behind it and the guys who used the services. I realised that almost every girl involved had a sad story, more often than not a child up in the provinces with a husband who had abandoned her. While the girls treat the customers very well, they really didn’t want to be there. They are there for the money and that is it. Many of them hate what they do. Of course there are some who enjoy it, and many who just get addicted to the way of life.

As time went by, I began to realize that despite the fact that some of the girls made really big money, few of them saved much of it and the money was invariably blown on frivolous spending sprees, given away to relatives who claimed to be in need and in some cases gambled away or wasted on drugs. When you see the industry damaging the girls but them not really benefiting long term from it, one can’t help but start to feel sorry for them.

A good friend here in Bangkok was close to a working girl for a while and a couple of years later I found out that she had become HIV+. Actually, I know a few girls who have become HIV+ as well as a couple of western guys living here. As far as I know none were drug users so exposure to the naughty nightlife has resulted in them contracting the deadly virus. When things like this happen to people you know, it is hard to remain ambivalent about it.

I get the impression the government is quite corrupt in practice, but even extremely poor Thais are intensely patriotic, particularly with regard to the King. Why do you think this is? What's your take on the government in Thailand?

You’re right. Thais are extremely patriotic and they adore HM The King. The King has dedicated his life to the people of Thailand and has undertaken many projects which have direct benefits for the people, particularly the poor. In times of crisis as with the coups of the ‘70s, it is my understanding (I wasn’t here back then) that it was The King who was partially responsible for bringing the blood baths to an end.

As far as the Thai government goes, one has to ask serious questions. Let’s just say that within the Thai government, the left hand never seems to know what the right hand is doing. Exactly how corrupt the are at the top level I don’t know, but on the ground corruption is endemic. Grease is often needed to oil the wheels of bureaucracy and gets things done. The police are horribly corrupt.

You've mentioned the importance of leaving things be and not getting involved, with anything from accidents to scams to social stigmas. Is there anything you found particularly difficult to come to terms with or accept? How do you balance adapting to a culture with retaining your own values?

I have always maintained that you have to cling to your personal values and convictions because they are very much what make you what you are. But in Thailand one has to be a bit more “flexible” otherwise you’ll end up smashing your head against the wall in frustration. Take the case of a road trip a friend and I took upcountry. Up in rural Korat, we drove around a corner and an accident had just happened, a car had hit a motorcyclist. My friend used to work in a hospital in Canada and was a medical professional. He suggested we stop but I said no way! While we would have been able to assist, who knows what may have happened. I have heard stories of similar situations where the good Samaritans have been accused of causing the accident or even being arrested and forced to pay for the costs of things. Ridiculous really… That is the one of the bad sides of living here.

There are a lot of things I disagree with in Thailand, things that I believe are fundamentally wrong and if I wanted to change the world I’d raise my voice about them. But Thais are very much set in their ways and even if something is clearly explained to them as being to their direct benefit, odds are they won’t change their ways. To change based on advice from a foreigner would almost be considered an insult to Thai culture.

What are your plans for your future in Thailand or elsewhere?

At this point in time I am unsure where my future lays. Thailand is a great place to live and it really does have so much going for it, but when one leaves, I think one could get a huge shock to the system. Other countries are much more expensive and one would no doubt miss the friendly happy go lucky nature of the Thai people, but that is just the start. What really bothers me is that time spent living and working in Thailand, while fun, may not have contributed so well to one’s future employability in the West, that is assuming that one wants to work for others. Second best is often accepted in Thailand and one has to be careful that one does not become slack and adopt local standards. Some of what people are allowed to get away with here is just crazy. Living out here you learn a huge amount about yourself, about different cultures and lifestyles, but actually making that a positive in terms of future employment is not so easy. Still, one has to be happy in life and in Thailand I generally am happy. If I think back to my lifestyle in NZ in the years before I moved here, I remember a somewhat dull lifestyle where I often felt I was living for tomorrow. Tomorrow everything would be better. But tomorrow never came. So I moved to Thailand! I guess it is always a case of the grass being greener elsewhere…

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Edgar Barrington is co-founder of The Modernist.

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